Some added reading

A few more titles that I gave me comfort.

The Practice of the Presence of God: Brother Lawrence - This was passed on to my by a friend who sensed my need to just 'be' with God.  Its a beautiful comforting read, especially for times when the prayers seem dry and the words can't come.  Everything he did was a moment with God.  Great tasks he was ill prepared for were expected of him and he never gave way to worry and would excel at the job, stunning himself, yet so full and confident in how God had provided and guide seamlessly.  Brother Lawrence was a very simple, humble man who lived very long ago and practiced his faith more by setting his heart inside of the Creator, than in the rituals. And I don't suggest that, nor does the book, rituals and proper formal worship are disposable.  They are important elements and obligations we must adhere to out of love, more than out of following the law.It's the type of book that you need to read to understand.
It helped me with gratitude and confidence, offering and opening a sense of wonder for me that had been dimming in my sadness. 

Imperfect Birds: Anne Lamott - I love this author.  I like her style of writing, her keen and quirky observations of life, and her great appreciation for the weaving of grace through life.  I've loved everything I've read.  I only liked this book and I did not like the ending ...it was too abrupt, and sort of hokey.  There is no faith woven through this book.  It's the story of a mother and her daughter, her only child.  The daughter is an exceptional tennis player and a great student with a promising future who gets lulled into the world of partying and experimenting with drugs.  The hidden life of a teenager is revealed very clearly and it shows how easily parents are fooled ...even the ones bent on not being fooled.  It was disturbing in that sense, sort of highlighting our vulnerabilities as parents, our desire to believe that everything is ok, and the reality of how little control we have over these wanna-be adults.
I think the story ended too abruptly, leaving a false sense of "okay, everything is all better now."  When kids use drugs, drink and have sex ....it doesn't end there.  Behaviors impact and influence our lives for a very, very long time, often physically, certainly emotionally, and always spiritually ..whether we agree with that or not ....it does.
We live with the choices we make.  Incredibly, God can take some of our poor choices, infuse grace, and make it all work for us to grow and learn in better ways.  Sometimes 'the falls' are what make us stand taller with more confidence to serve God in our everyday lives.

The Bible: I've been trying to read the bible for years, and have started in fits and starts.  I have read more this year so far than any other, and though I haven't been as disciplined as I'd hoped, I am committed to make it a regular part of my devotions, if not daily, at least weekly.  I've found my faith to find its best comfort in the life of the apostles when they were floundering and struggling, but obedient and trusting.  They are wonderful examples for me and guides.  Their center was always Christ, and their love of the Blessed Mother was evident.  There's simply too much chaos in our world today ...far too many opinions about the rightness and wrongness of how to be Catholic.  I find it overwhelming and sad ...too distracting.  I work on my interior disposition, faith in our  home and a belief that God does not expect me to figure out which Mass is valid or not.  He knows my  heart, my great desire to serve Him and love Him in the best possible way.  I used to worry about all that stuff, I can't anymore ....I will go crazy, or I will lose my faith.
Reading the words of the Bible let me know God more intimately and give me a sense of my heritage as one of His own.

One Thousand Gifts: Ann Voskamp - A friend gave me this book and I've started it, but couldn't get past the beginning when she recalls the death of her sister ...and the changes it brought to her family.  I've read lots and lots of reviews and comments on this book. I know its a good one, one that should be read and savored. Ann writes at http://www.aholyexperience.com/, and I've loved her writing for a long time ...its like a sweet lullaby in the midst of chaos.  For several years I would open that blog first thing in the morning on our kitchen computer and just let the music play.  It was the music of our mornings, my mornings with Phoebe.  They are farmers and that appealed to Phoebe, so she would often look at the pictures and the faces of the children in this family.  It was a familiar ritual for the two of us.  I haven't played that music for a long time ...it reminds me too much of the silent moments in the early morning, just me and my girl, before anyone else stirred.  I look at that book a lot, and one day I'll read it ...It's about gratitude ...in all things.  I strive for that, but I think I fear that if I read the book it will obligate me to actually live gratitude ...always.  And I want to do that, I try to,  but my heart is still tender, and honestly, I still have a little yelling left in me.
I know enough from her other writing though, that she 'gets it' ...our lives striving to live our faith, love our kids and give the best of ourselves in everything we do. 
Without even reading all of it, I can confidently recommend it to you.

Eternal rest grant unto Phoebe and may perpetual light shine upon her.  May she rest in peace. Amen.