Phoebe would have turned 19 today! And I would really like to celebrate with her .... The days approaching have been especially hard, made harder by the normal, and sometimes unusual, demands of regular life. I don't get a free pass to immerse in my missing ...and that's a blessing in lots and lots of ways. My friend reminds me that Phoebe is here with me, shoulder to shoulder like she had been for so long. And so I tell her the things I would if she were here in the flesh with me, all the while trusting she hears me.
I miss this great, robust, adventurous daughter. I miss her spunk, her song, her smile ....her way. My next oldest daughter is meastured today, 5' 7 1/2". We giggle. At least two inches on me, at least four on Phoebe ...she would have grumbled, always wanting to be tall. Phoebe was sort of little, but you didn't think of her that way ... I'm hoping she laughs with us now.
Say a prayer for her today if you would. It's a special day ....Feast of the Ascension. I count my blessings that once again all things that fall this way point towards God. That her birthday should be on this day brings me a lot of comfort ...and hope. Mass offered for her tonight, gathered with friends and family, in the presence of the Truest Presence of all.
Pizza, cake and balloons ...I can imagine her kicking each one as it makes its way to her. It is these things that keep us grounded, keep us hopeful ...keep our hearts open to comfort and the great promise of seeing her again.
God is good and gracious and kind ...even in the hard things, even in the suffering and loss ...even in the challenge of each day ...He is there.
Happy birthday sweet girl ... Love, Mom
Eternal rest grant unto Phoebe and may perpetual light shine upon her. May she rest in peace. Amen.
Thinking of you. Praying for her.
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