Bead by Bead

I count my blessings ...and I have many.  When things get scary for me, that's where I try to go ...just counting my blessings.  There is sadness all around us, there is loss, corruption ...everywhere.  And when I look through the lens of loss, only that lens, I just plummet.  That's a choice, subconsciously perhaps, I make, to look through that view only showing the emptiness, the raw brutality of what humanity can do to itself and others.  That view alone, closes itself off to another, breeds only despair ...a hardened heart.  I fight that every moment because I sense that some days I could spiral there and not return.  This is one of those days of fighting really hard ...and I will win this day.  I'm sure of it, because as the darkness descends and the lure of despair entices me, I grab hold of my safety net ...my rosary.  And bead by bead, I make my way out. Sometimes I only pray one bead, and it will take me minutes to get to the next, but I always know it is the surest route, the best way.  The Blessed Mother always leads us to her Son ...always to our Redeemer, who loves us passionately even in and through our weakness and despair.  He is the promise.  I can't get there on my own, but my beads can get me there.  And ever so gently, my lens changes and I see the pure beauty around me ...the flop of curly hair lying next to me, big sisters arms around her as they both sleep.  Just that reality is enough to soften the hardness that tries to settle in.  And if that is the only goodness I see today (and I will see much much more!) it's enough to prove the goodness, the beauty, the grace all around me.
Bead by bead I'll make it through this life without Phoebe ...I know that now.  As hard and awful as that is, I will make it ...bead by precious bead.


I have a prayer request today.  If you have never experienced lice, count your blessings!  We have, and thankfully, its been a while since we've had to deal with it.  But right now, it is making its way through and finding residence in some large families I know.  It's awful enough to have lice, but the sheer work of getting rid of it, the time, the effort, the constancy is overwhelming, and quite literally it is all consuming and for the mother can feel like it is absolutely breaking them.    Please say a prayer for these moms right now, they truly need them, just to get through today.  If you've had to deal with it, you know what I'm talking about.  And if you haven't, I pray you  never will ...and you should too!

Eternal rest grant unto Phoebe and may perpetual light shine upon her.  May she rest in peace. Amen