Walk to Remember

Every time I hear of another child dying, I cringe.  A small part is that it sends me spiraling to the very beginning, the earth shattering moment of disbelief ...that moment I learned and saw Phoebe had died.  But the bigger part is that my heart breaks for them ...the parents, the family all jumbled in the chaos of despair.  I want to go to them, hold them, tell them they will be okay.  I want to bring a big basket with me to fill with their sorrow, their pain, their suffering ....and to leave them feeling better, aware they will survive.  Impossible ...no one can take such a thing away.  But what we can do is reach out, those of us who are all too familiar with what it feels like to live deep loss.  Through God's grace, early on we found The Compassionate Friends (TCF) which is a nonprofit, international organization that reaches out and offers self help groups for parents who've lost a child.  Often, it is the first place, where we feel known and understood.  It is often the only place that lets us be.
I can only speak of my own experience with TCF.  It is a place to share ...a place to laugh and cry, to wish and hope. Without this group, I would not be where I am today.  It is part of God's work in my life. Our credo is very powerful ...and every word is meant.

We need not walk alone. We are The Compassionate Friends. We reach out to each other with love, with understanding, and with hope. The children we mourn have died at all ages and from many different causes, but our love for them unites us. Your pain becomes my pain, just as your hope becomes my hope. We come together from all walks of life, from many different circumstances. We are a unique family because we represent many races, creeds, and relationships. We are young, and we are old. Some of us are far along in our grief, but others still feel a grief so fresh and so intensely painful that they feel helpless and see no hope. Some of us have found our faith to be a source of strength, while some of us are struggling to find answers. Some of us are angry, filled with guilt or in deep depression, while others radiate an inner peace. But whatever pain we bring to this gathering of The Compassionate Friends, it is pain we will share, just as we share with each other our love for the children who have died. We are all seeking and struggling to build a future for ourselves, but we are committed to building a future together.  We reach out to each other in love to share the pain as well as the joy, share the anger as well as the peace, share the faith as well as the doubts, and help each other to grieve as well as to grow. We Need Not Walk Alone. We Are The Compassionate Friends. 

Some of us find our way there soon after the death, others months, years even, later.  Some never find us.  We reach out and we offer the support, friendship, love and understanding that so often offers the only glimmer of hope that one day the sun will shine again. 
TCF relies on contributions.  We raise money so that no parent is left alone.  We support libraries of books and materials that provide reading and information that helps many find their way.  We sponsor events that recognize the lives lost, providing a place for families and friends to honor those they loved so well.  We provide space to meet.  We publish newsletters and other materials that offer a bridge and a lifeline for many. 
I am forever grateful for the generosity and compassion we have found among our peers in this group. 
Someday, someone close to you will lose a child.  You will be witness to the devastation ...and TCF will be there.
On July 22nd, Stephen and I will proudly and lovingly carry a banner of names of all the children who've died in our chapter of TCF.  The Walk to Remember takes place at 8AM in Costa Mesa, CA.  There are three ways you can be part of this walk.  First, pray for all the children and families to be represented.  We all need prayers ...for the rest of our lives.  Second, send me names of children you want remembered in our walk so they can be recognized and honored among all the others.  Sadly, when children die, after a fairly short period of time they are forgotten.  Babies who die so, so young, children, teens, adult children ...let's remember them all, together. Send me their names at carolynwalshpiw@gmail.com.  And third, make a contribution to TCF and the Walk to Remember by going to http://www.tcfwalktoremember.org/.  One dollar can make a difference in the life of a parent.  No money goes to administrative costs.  Eighty percent is given to the local chapter, twenty percent to national. 
When you go to this site, on the left side click 'donate to a participant.'  Write in my name, Carolyn Walsh, and it will go to the page I've set up in honor of Phoebe, that is one page from our chapter, South Shore Chapter Hingham, MA.  None of this money comes to me ...it all goes directly to the chapter and national organization. 
We expect no one to contribute, but if you are looking for a way to make a difference in someone's life, to help a grieving parent, this is an opportunity for that.  Thank you in advance for your kindness.

I've hesitated offering this here in this blog.  I've offered it through personal emails, and I am very grateful and touched by the generosity of so many who contributed.  Thank you. 
What prompts me  now?  The phone call  yesterday that shared the news of yet another young, promising child whose death came  far too early.  I think of those parents, that family ....so I'm asking for them. 
Please pray for this family, pray for all children in a moment of despair and confusion ...that God's angels swoop in and prevent them from such a permanent act.  Just pray ....please. 

Eternal rest grant unto Phoebe and may perpetual light shine upon her.  May she rest in peace. Amen.