A Welcoming Goodbye

If you've been here to this blog before, thank you for reading these words, for listening to my story.  I've so appreciated the comments and suggestions, the prayers ...
If you're just finding this spot now, welcome.
For the past twenty months this has been a safe spot for me to unwind my tangled brain and shattered heart, to put into words the process and pain of losing my seventeen year old daughter.  I can imagine nothing harder, really, short of losing another beloved child.  Lots of people have shared that this blog has helped them help others, or themselves, and I am truly glad for that.  It started as a way to keep in touch with those who cared about us and wanting to know how we were doing.  It served that purpose, helping us all walk together.  I wrote nearly everyday for a while, and as life for us has taken on a new form, I write much less in such a public way.  It's taken me a long time to find the best words to close this chapter of my story.  There are no perfect words ...
The blog and all its previous posts will remain here.  They're all honest, open entries that speak of my walk through, the fog, then the haze, and now ...in a little more light.
I would not have survived this without some key factors.  The initial outpouring was tremendous and generous. People gave freely of themselves when Phoebe died ...time, money, food ...and prayer, the most important.  And like anything, people return to their lives, as they should.  Sadly, like our own in this house, other people's lives changed too.  We have friends whose lives will not be the same again because Phoebe died, and we share that. Now, we make other memories in this 'new normal' of our lives.
And we have new friends who share our footsteps ...a bit ahead, the one's who reached their hands out and led us across the stepping stones. And there are new friends a bit newer to this loss than us ...we hold their hands, catch their tears ...promise they will learn the way.   It is a unique kind of friendship ...a knowing, steady friendship.  And unbelievably they know Phoebe ...and we know their kids too.  That's how it works.  Because God can do those kinds of things in abundance.
Most especially, I've survived through God's grace ...my wonderful kids and my husband ...we've walked this jagged path together, and we are still what we have always been ...a family.

Anyway, thanks for being here.  I'll continue to write occasionally, just not in this venue.  Several readers have already asked to be included in the circulation of new writing.  If you'd like to be part of that please send me an email at carolynwalshpiw@gmail.com.

May you open your hearts to the weaving of God's grace in your life ...

Much love,

Carolyn (Phoebe's Mom)

Eternal rest grant unto Phoebe and may perpetual light shine upon her.  May she rest in peace.  Amen.