Independence Day

I have a thousand thoughts racing through my head tonight.  So bear with me as I ramble.  I have lots of drafts written over the past many days ...all works in progress, but tonight I'll just share a few bits and pieces as we ready for July 4th ...and all that means.
Fireworks from a neighboring town have been exploding in our background for some time now.  I'm sure there were others mixed in.  We live on the coast (lucky us!) so shoreline invites people to private displays.  Its three days of nonstop explosives ...and it is truly, truly fun.  Last night we had our own crowd here at home and later, as the sun went to bed, we meandered a few minutes down the road to watch our town's display over the Harbor.  It was spectacular.  I had told Owen, who turned eight on Friday, that was my gift to him and we'd open it to the public.  He believed every bit of it ...until his sister tipped him off.  One of my friends overheard Mary Claire (5) ask into the night sky, "why does Owen ALWAYS get fireworks for his birthday?"  Her March birthday doesn't really lend itself to fireworks.  Oh well!
We'll watch an early morning road race to see friends gallop past.  I will have a nice cup of coffee and a good chat with a friend on the sidelines.  I really just am watching the race for two people to see who wins.  There is a funny story here ...Last November, with Phoebe's death so fresh, our fabulous friends organized "Phoebe's Team" to run a Thanksgiving road race.  It was such a generous and comforting effort on their part, that really gave purpose to a day that hung heavy for all of us.  Other friends registered and joined as part of the team to run that day as well ...and it was word of mouth, so most people didn't know each other.  I had fun taking pics at the finish line, cheering people on as I watched my beautiful daughters face come towards me over and over.  After the race, I introduced some people to each other ...and as it turned out ...the force behind the road race met his competitor.  He had paced himself according to another man and had tried to push ahead to pass this guy ...but, he never did (although he looked incredibly fit and in good form as he crossed the finish!).  So the competitors met ...one not knowing he was being raced against.  But tomorrow is a new day and a new race ...and they are both running ...and they both know each other ....and they will fight to the finish ...and I wouldn't miss this for the world.  So I'll be at the finish line to see ...who ...will ...WIN.
And of course, there is the quintessential Fourth of July parade down Main Street ...which is another good social time.
But the best of the best is the night when we head to Nantasket Beach.  Today, as we were heading home from Mass, I had a few extra with me.  The anticipation was running high. Without exception, each of them claimed this particular night to be the night of all nights, the event of all events ....Fourth of July on Nantasket Beach is nothing short of INSANE.  And, we tirelessly make our way there each year.  We pack dinner and sweatshirts.  We should, but never have, packed a first aid kit.  I'm not sure I should even admit this, but we go to true amateur fireworks on the beach.  We put our own lives, and the lives of our children in danger.  We know this ...and yet, year after year, we return.  One year it rained.  I called my friend, "what should we do, it's raining?"  "And?" she asked me.  "Well, maybe we shouldn't go."  "Oh, we're going, you're going ....no matter what." I knew I'd be in big, big trouble if I bailed.  So off I went.  We sat on the beach in drizzle for an hour, finally it stopped.  Now our kids expect this, the disappointment if plans changed would be profound.  Most of the dialogue among the adults is "ok, someone's going to get hurt" "get a head count" "that guy has no idea what he's doing" "has anyone seen so and so?" "everyone move to the left, we're in range".  We wait for that moment when the sober people are clearly the minority and we know it's at the edge ...in the dark we gather our things, race to cars and drive away.  We listen to the chatter and clatter of kids, sticky, yucky and sandy ...very, very sandy.  We may be driving our own kids, but perhaps not ...the mad dash just causes us to jump into the first car we see of the group and we're hopeful every kid has made it.  To date, we've lost no one. 
But this year, we will be one less.  I've often thought of that moment last summer ...Phoebe, Deirdre and Alyssa huddled together ....giggling, the little girls running back and forth from them, jumping on laps, snuggling for a few moments with the big girls ...and then dashing away.  I wish I could see that again tomorrow night.  But wishing doesn't make it happen.
All this celebration ...observing our 'freedom', celebrating the victory of all that liberty ...it's a good thing, a very good thing.  But I wonder now what that all means.  I think we've changed the definition of  'freedom', made a mockery of it in some ways.  Today, freedom means doing whatever you want.  Our culture tells us this over and over again ...if it feels right, do it.  If you want it, take it, you should have it.  If it offends someone ...too bad they'll just have to 'put up and shut up.'  But if it offends you, well ...then, "those hatemongers" should be punished.  Freedom has a new definition now ...of selfishness, really ...getting whatever you want, whenever you want.  That's not true freedom though.
Tonight we heard a homily that talked about his very thing ...freedom.  There is great freedom in choosing Christ ..real freedom, because it acknowledges that we belong to God, that we have a Creator.  So lots and lots of people are more than happy to call themselves followers of Christ.  But  what's so often forgotten is there's a cost ...and that cost is obligation and responsibility.  If we follow Christ, we must follow Him.  Not our own whims and desires, not our own politically correct, watered down version of the Ten Commandments, not our own revisions of His teachings, of the Church's teachings ...We have a responsibility to live and teach and spread His truth ...even in a hostile world that rejects the true teachings far more often than it embraces them.  I have a friend who so eloquently teaches her children that for something to have worth, it must cost us something personally ...it must hurt a bit.  Not so much physically, but in a way that demands us to give away a part of our selfishness ...to give as if we are offering precious coins ...to give truly of ourselves.  That is true freedom ...giving ...not getting.  I guess for me I find freedom in losing Phoebe only when I truly offer her back to God, as painful as that is and as much as I don't want to ...rather than waiting to get her back ...or getting something to make it go away.  We only truly 'get' when we truly 'give' without expectation ...
Look at all Christ gave us on the Cross ...He gave all.  Even while knowing, not only the mockery and rejection of that day, but our day, today in our world, too.  He still gave ...without getting.  That's the freedom I want in my life.  That's true freedom ....and it only comes from God.

Eternal rest grant unto Phoebe and may perpetual light shine upon her.  May she rest in peace. Amen.