Secondary loss. I didn't know what that was in the beginning. But I've become very familiar with it over these past thirteen months. It's like the aftershocks of an earthquake ...just as you think you've found some stable footing, you're jolted, dislodged. No area of your life is exempt ...it's part of the gig of losing a child, as if to reaffirm the gravity of loss. So we thought we'd pretty much covered most aspects until a note from the IRS.
Imagine other adults stealing your child's name and claiming her as their own. Identity. Three other people have laid claim to Phoebe ...called her their daughter so they could get a tax credit. Imagine.
My identity is fused with Phoebe as my daughter, alive or dead ...she is mine, ours ...God's. Yet others, like vultures, lay claim to her. And the trail of making sure she is protected ...falls on us. The IRS, FTC, Social Security, along with a list of others, send us to the next phone number, forms ...off we go, still fighting to name her our own. We have to prove she is ours ...and I wonder, should I take them to her grave, show them her sneakers, her hand print ... my heart.
What kind of person lays claim on another's child?
Eternal rest grant unto Phoebe and may perpetual light shine upon her. May she rest in peace. Amen.
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