I love this feast day. I love thinking of the Blessed Mother in her first moments ...becoming a girl, so pure and holy, so prepared to carry Christ. I imagine the angels singing, the bending of their knees as Christ's first tabernacle formed and grew. One of God's most beloved angels fell and roams the earth seeking our ruin, all because of the thought that Christ Himself would be born to us through a mere human. I tell the kids I go to her often, because she is so perfect, and they can rest assured when I am not at my best, when I drop the ball, get frustrated, overtired, overwhelmed, I call on her to step in and take over. Maybe they can lean on that when I am remote, not as I could be. I know for sure she was there as Phoebe died, and she held her for me. That brings me tremendous comfort. Phoebe had two Masses offered for her on this day, actually three. I like having them offered on feast days, it seems as though the bridge between her and us gets traveled both ways...that I can be with her for just a bit.
Today we celebrate the feast of St. Juan Diego, three days before Our Lady of Guadalupe. One of the many blessings of a large family is getting to watch them all learn about these great stories and truths of our faith ...as the years go by. For my older kids it's almost like "yeah, yeah, heard that, we know ...enough already." But for Owen and Mary Claire, each time they hear it they are amazed and awed. This morning I told them the story again and the questions led us to looking up the basilica on line, examining the tilma with Our Lady's image. I get to tell this story over and over, and hear their eagerness and amazement. It mirrors back to me the awe I should live every day. Shows me the awe great faith cultivates. I have a ways to go, I know.
I think about Phoebe and know she lives in a time structured so differently from what we know, and I imagine her living these days of saints' lives, understanding them fully, seeing their purpose. I see her ahead of us, exploring, uncovering, examining and being so well pleased with all she sees and knows. I wish she could tell me everything, share it with us, assure us.
I think about what Phoebe knows fully about God, what she experiences. I want all my children to be with Him one day, forever. I just didn't want it for Phoebe this way. I miss her.
Eternal rest grant unto Phoebe and may perpetual light shine upon her. May she rest in peace. Amen.
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