I like control ...a lot. This walk through grief isn't anything I can control ...it washes its own way, sets its own erratic pace. There is no cycle or rhythm that can be known. I think I'll hit bottom and the ascent back up for air will be steady ...but it isn't. I have no control. Relief finds me, and I breath ...and within moments I am falling again. What is God teaching me? Why must the lesson be so difficult to bear? Why am I so hard to teach? I really want to please God with my life, be what He wants me to be ...and I feel like I am failing. I feel caged. I don't feel free. I am terrified ...and I'm not even sure why. Keep choosing Him ...that's what echoes in my head. Keep choosing ...Him.
For a while, Phoebe was so near ...she is not now, she has stepped away. I ask her, and her answer is distant but firm ..."it must be this way now." I don't think that means forever, I just think it means there is something I am to learn now. And maybe the lesson won't be clear to me for quite some time, long after these days pass.
Grabbing hold of what I trust, bead by bead, I'm trying to climb out ...to the sunshine again, if only for a moment. This is not what I would choose ...this life without Phoebe. I want her back with me. I need her.
Tonight I pray the fourth Joyful mystery for all of your intentions. Please include a very special intention for a dear friend and one of her family members. Pray that all goes well, the news is good, and there lives will not be disrupted. Thank you.
Presentation: Luke 2:22-24
And after the days of her purification, according to the law of Moses, were accomplished, they carried him to Jerusalem, to present him to the Lord: As it is written in the law of the Lord: Every male opening the womb shall be called holy to the Lord: And to offer a sacrifice, according as it is written in the law of the Lord, a pair of turtledoves, or two young pigeons...
On the day of the Presentation God received infinitely more glory than He had hitherto received in the temple from all the sacrifices and all the holocausts of the Old Testament. On this day it is His own Son Jesus Who is offered to Him, and Who offers to the Father the infinite homage of adoration, thanksgiving, expiation and supplication.
This is indeed a gift worthy of God.
And it is from the hands of the Virgin, full of grace, that this offering, so pleasing to God, is received. Mary's faith is perfect. Filled with the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, she has a clear understanding of the value of the offering which she is making to God at this moment; by His inspirations the Holy Spirit brings her soul into harmony with the interior dispositions of the heart of her Divine Son.
Just as Mary had given her consent in the name of all humanity when the angel announced to her the mystery of the Incarnation, so also on this day Mary offers Jesus to the Father in the name of the whole human race. For she knows that her Son is "the King of Glory, the new light enkindled before the dawn, the Master of life and death."
Eternal rest grant unto Phoebe and may perpetual light shine upon her. May she rest in peace. Amen
No comments:
Post a Comment