Phoebe died on Saturday, October 9, 2010. She has been waked and buried and her body rests under a beautiful oak tree where she can swing and play. But for us, we must go forward, we must live our lives. Today, we began. Back to school, regular routines, washing, cleaning, sorting, folding ...the little things of our day.
We have lots of questions, always will. But this I know, Phoebe was well loved ...and she loved back and sadly, for a few brief moments she lost her way. Phoebe ended her own life and it is that terrible choice that will haunt me. I know Phoebe, she would not do something like that to herself or those around her. For a few moments, Phoebe forgot about God. But in the end His victory saved her. Of that I have no doubt.
I think a blog could help others know her, know how serious and precarious the life of a teenage girl truly is. I have lots of things to say, and this may be the place ...lots of things about mothering, family, our culture. Maybe in the end, this will just be my soapbox. Oh well!
Maybe I'll blog 20 times a day, maybe only once a month. I have no set schedule.
Join me, cry with me, laugh with me ...along this path I never would have chosen ...but Thy Will Be Done.
Life can bring challenges and expectations that we find ourselves unable to meet for many reasons. We don't necessarily abandon God, we completely abandon ourselves. God does not abandons us in those moments any more than a mortal mother and father would abandon their child in those moments. He draws closer, even if we are so consumed in our misery that we cannot feel Him.
ReplyDeleteFootprints. When we have trouble making it through a crucible, He carries us - and He carried Phoebe when she gave up completely.
I'm glad to know we can keep up with you when you feel like writing. You know we are all praying and if there is anything else we can do - you know where to find people who love and care about you, Steve and your beautiful family.
I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through the belief in the threeness,
Through confession of the oneness
Of the Creator of Creation.
I arise today
Through the strength of Christ's birth with his baptism,
Through the strength of his crucifixion with his burial,
Through the strength of his resurrection with his ascension,
Through the strength of his descent for the judgment of Doom.
I arise today
Through the strength of the love of Cherubim,
In obedience of angels,
In the service of archangels,
In hope of resurrection to meet with reward,
In prayers of patriarchs,
In predictions of prophets,
In preaching of apostles,
In faith of confessors,
In innocence of holy virgins,
In deeds of righteous men.
I arise today
Through the strength of heaven:
Light of sun,
Radiance of moon,
Splendor of fire,
Speed of lightning,
Swiftness of wind,
Depth of sea,
Stability of earth,
Firmness of rock.
I arise today
Through God's strength to pilot me:
God's might to uphold me,
God's wisdom to guide me,
God's eye to look before me,
God's ear to hear me,
God's word to speak for me,
God's hand to guard me,
God's way to lie before me,
God's shield to protect me,
God's host to save me
From snares of devils,
From temptations of vices,
From everyone who shall wish me ill,
Afar and anear,
Alone and in multitude.
I summon today all these powers between me and those evils,
Against every cruel merciless power that may oppose my body and soul,
Against incantations of false prophets,
Against black laws of pagandom
Against false laws of heretics,
Against craft of idolatry,
Against spells of witches and smiths and wizards,
Against every knowledge that corrupts man's body and soul.
Christ to shield me today
Against poison, against burning,
Against drowning, against wounding,
So that there may come to me abundance of reward.
Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,
Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ on my right, Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.
Amen