I want to approach my Lord with a pure, clean heart. These days, these moments challenge and push me, stretch me beyond what I thought I could bare. And yet, here I am ...still living, breathing, smiling, laughing. A new wonder has overcome me, certainly tinged with sadness, but a way of looking and seeing that I didn't possess before. The way my littlest holds her head, my youngest understanding irony, the kindness and affection between two siblings ... the sky just before sunset, seem to catch my breath. I noticed those things before, but now I think I see them more, appreciate the treasure of them, as perhaps Phoebe can now. I've begged God to let Phoebe guide me. Not that I haven't wanted or trusted that God does himself, but I want to know she is okay. And when I consider that I am seeing things as she does, it comforts me. Little things matter, the noticing matters. The business of life distracts me so often, that I have missed some little things ...that were really important. I don't want to do that again. But how do I avoid that trap? How do stop the slow slip backwards? Pursue and claim a clean heart ...a heart turned over to Christ, again and again. One of the treasures of our faith is the Sacrament of Penance. It purifies, cleanses, releases, resolves ...pours on the grace and strength necessary to persevere. We bare our sole to Christ ...give Him everything ...all of ourselves ...all our imperfections, our sin. I lived a long time without knowing how to properly prepare myself for Penance ...until someone shared the treasure of examining my conscience. Its a guide that helps me look closely, invites a real honest examination of my soul ...as it may look to God. Certainly it inspires and encourages me to reconcile my heart and soul to God. I want to please Him. I often fail in that ...Penance restores and fortifies. Here is a link that will tell you more about it, scroll down near the end for the specific examination of conscience: http://www.fisheaters.com/penance.html
Think of it! If we all approach Christmas morning with a clean heart, imagine the gift we could give to Him ...and to each other.
Eternal rest grant unto Phoebe and may perpetual light shine upon her. May she rest in peace. Amen
When my mother died in a car accident several years back at a time of upheavel in my life, one of the pallbearers said something to me that jolted me back as he tucked me into the limo as I left her gravesite. He said - "May you be at peace and may it be a long time before you see her again."
ReplyDeleteChrist's words were not as pleasing to the soul to somebody whose heart is heavy with grief. He said something like..Let the dead bury the dead and come follow Me.
Having a clean heart is indeed like being in a different world. The peace that surpasses all understanding.
Where else would Phoebe beckon but to a state of Grace where her mother's broken heart can see the beauty in this life? The eyes, hearts, minds and souls of the people in your life, in the ocean, salty air, trees, snow, sunsets, sunrises that she so loved, that she would never want you to trade for the haste of wanting to be with her once again.
Phoebe's soul is immortal and the time that will pass between now and when you will see her again will seem like a nanosecond in the long embrace in eternity.
You are bringing your heart's treasure to your King. He is pleased you are on your way and there is nothing that will mean more to Him or to Phoebe on Christmas day...or to you and your children and your precious life.
God be with you today and every day of this journey.
Thanks Carol,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your thoughts ..they help me flush out my own.