What I want to write about is how I can't stop thinking about last year at this time. The days leading up to Christmas, all the preparations Phoebe was such a big part of. I want to write about the things that make my heart ache ... But instead, I'll share a story that I believe is an early Christmas present ...one that keeps me on the path to Bethlehem.
There have been many, many signal graces along the way. And I am grateful for them, but there is one in particular that gives physical evidence of Heaven on earth. It wasn't my story, but has become mine over these many weeks. I may have shared parts of it already, but in its entirety ...it is a powerful testament to the saints around us, hard at work. Stay with me as I repeat some things already written.
Right after she died, glittering in the late day sun atop her desk was a medallion she had lost. It was a gift to her when she turned 15 that had been lost for some time. And yet, here it was. I took it and put on my necklace which was a medal of St. Raphael. I thought nothing of this. Later I learned that St. Raphael is the patron saint of the young, travelers and healer of souls. The medal was given to me by a friend for my recent graduation from nursing school. He is also patron to all those in the health professions. He's a busy guy, for sure! Those who know Phoebe are well aware that, of course, she would require protection and care from a creation that could multitask with exceptional finesse. I think St. Raphael is indeed that creation.
Almost two weeks after she died, her dad was on one of the Harbor Islands. He'd been there many times for professional work and had tried to see the summer camp out there used for city kids. Each time it was well secured and he could just peek through the gate. For some reason, on this day, it was unlocked.
He drove through the gate and around the beautiful campus, amazed by its size. He recalls having a very strong sense of Phoebe with him. They were best friends ...they had a blast most times they were together. Both adventurous, pushing the limits ...always "thinking outside the box" they had forged a friendship that kept them in step. So on this day, it was just another ride in the car with Phoebe. He parked near a pier that goes out over the water about 200 feet. It was a beautiful, sunny, balmy October day. Any puddles would have dried up immediately ...and the tide was out, so no chance for splashes on the pier. As he walked down, he noticed a puddle up ahead ...and thought to himself that was odd considering the kind of day it was and that the tide was low. (I am not nearly as perceptive and wouldn't have thought twice about a puddle on such a day ...that's why God can't give me these kinds of gifts!) As he approached he noticed a footprint right next to the puddle. Kneeling, he put his hands on the liquid which turned out to be a very light oil ...like olive oil. St. Raphael's oil is just like this. Next to the oil is footprint of a converse sneaker sole. Phoebe wore converse sneakers 98% of the time. In fact, I have left her converse right outside the door ...as she always did. He recognized the tread right away, put his foot up next to it, snapped a picture with his phone ...and felt an overwhelming assurance that here she was, escorted by St. Raphael to spend some time with her dad. At home, he put her sneaker up to his, and looked at the image on his phone ...it was a match! There is no doubt in our minds ...and hearts, that indeed Phoebe's footprint was on that bridge. If Phoebe was alive, and could have been anywhere in the world on that day ...with the wind and the sun ...that is the kind of place she would go to. More, it was the kind of place her and dad would go to ...and play.
I think about that story a lot, especially when the burden gets heavier. Patron of travelers ...aren't we all travelers , on our way to eternity ...on our way to Bethlehem. Travel light, he seems to say. Leave the burden, give it back, return it to God. Travel light. I wish I could. I'm trying. Healer of souls ...yes, I need that. Heal me, please. I believe he helped heal Phoebe's soul as she made such a terrible, irrevocable choice in a blink. And I believe he wants to assist, be God's helper, in healing the souls in this home, her home.
Protector of the youth ...would anyone disagree we need that now more than ever? I need his aide in all these ways as I make my way to the infant in the manger. St. Raphael came early with this gift for Christmas, but true gifts continue to give and nourish long after the physical presence is gone ...just like Christ. Though as Catholics, we have the treasure of His true presence in the Holy Eucharist.
There are so many of us struggling to protect our children, raise them to be virtuous, confident, faithful. This wonderful archangel can assist us along that path ... along the way to Bethlehem.
St. Raphael, pray and intercede for all of us and our children!
O Raphael, lead us toward those we are waiting for, those who are waiting for us: Raphael, Angel of happy meeting, lead us by the hand toward those we are looking for. May all our movements be guided by your Light and transfigured with your joy. Angel, guide of Tobias, lay the request we now address to you at the feet of Him on whose unveiled Face you are privileged to gaze. Lonely and tired, crushed by the separations and sorrows of life, we feel the need of calling you and of pleading for the protection of your wings, so that we may not be as strangers in the province of joy, all ignorant of the concerns of our country. Remember the weak, you who are strong, you whose home lies beyond the region of thunder, in a land that is always peaceful, always serene and bright with the resplendent glory of God. Amen.
Eternal rest grant unto Phoebe and may perpetual light shine upon her. May she rest in peace. Amen
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