Sharing

"Whoever survives a test, whatever it may be, must tell the story.  That is his duty."  Elie Wiesel

Surviving the loss of a loved one is its own kind of test.  What does it mean, that its our duty to tell our story?  To tell our story is a way of affirming the life of the one we have lost - the experiences we had together, the favorite family stories.  To tell the story is also a way of moving our grief along, and so contributes to our own healing.
  But is is also a gift to others - to tell not only the shared story of the life that has passed, but our own story in relation to this event - how we got through it.  What were our fears, our panics?  What helped us?  What saved the day?  If there was a moment when we felt light break through, what was that like?
  Our friends will come to their crises of loss soon enough.  Perhaps we can ease the way for them.  So - it's all right to cry.  It's all right to rely on other people,  It's all right to be confused and not know what to do.   And if there are moments of light and hope, of wonderful support and faith - why, we need to tell those stories, too.


In the telling of my story, I share what is most precious to me.

Taken from Healing After Loss:  Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief, by Martha Whitmore Hickman, January 16th entry

We all have a story to tell.  This is mine.  I hope it helps someone.  It certainly helps me to sit at this keyboard, usually late at night when all has settled, or in the wee hours, after sending two off and the others still slumber.  Telling my story, one I never wanted to tell ...experience, gives me the release to focus on me and my grief.  All day, I tend to my kids, my husband ...gauge their strain, their pain ...their healing.  All day.  It has been an enormous task ...that leaves very little time for me and focusing on how I am doing.  I know, deeply, that my healing is important for me, but critically important for the health and wholeness ...the healing of this entire family.  So when I write here, it gives me a lens that does just that ...focuses on me and my walk through this darkness, searching for the light.  If no one reads here ...that's okay.  If one does ...great.  More ...even better.  I believe fully that in this terrible journey, I will ultimately find joy ...share that with my family, and with everyone else.  God has a tremendous plan here.  I know that.  Sometimes, often, actually, I am foggy, caught in a haze that leaves me confused, afraid and angry.  Always ...when I find my way back to God, some of that fog lifts and I can see there will be light once again in this burdened life.  But, it is a very arduous, painful walk that will get me there ...and it will be a while. Telling my story is like a walking stick that aids me along the way.  I can swing it around or I can lean on it, letting it bear the weight, hold me up. 
To tell a story, there has to be a listener.  I can't say enough about my listeners ...I have many ...and I am so grateful.  Thank you for listening to my story.  Thank you for loving me, most especially for loving and appreciating Phoebe.  Thank you for not letting her life be defined by a terribly senseless, irrational, impulsive decision.  Her life is so much more than that ...and still is.  Her life is part of my story.  It will always be part of my story ...and she lives on, forever in many hearts.
  One day, when your own burden overwhelms and distorts, pulls you away from the truth, remember something from here ...that we are meant to survive, to grow, to trust, to endure the heaviest of burdens ...so that one day, in the joy of eternity, we will rest and be glad for what had been given to us.  He loves us.  We are living in a fallen world where terrible things can happen ...like a child ending their own life.  One day, we won't live here anymore ...we will live where it is not fallen, where it is all good, all pure, all truth, all love.  Prepare yourselves for that ...strive to live in Him today, now.  It will remove you from this world, cause strain in many, many ways.  People will call you mean, judgmental, harsh, ignorant ...hold fast and remember how they treated Christ.  He has told us that to follow Him we would bear the persecution, the rejection, the accusation just as He did.  In so many ways, those things are the mark of the followers of Christ. The world will tell us we are fools.  Yes, we are if we play by the rules of the world.  But if we play by the gift of God's plan we will live with Him forever.  I'll take the heat now to avoid it later. We are all destined to Him, created by and for Him.  Every night,  I must ask myself,  have I chosen His way, or mine?  I want to be with Him in all eternity.  It is not a smooth, comfortable worldly ride ...it costs us dearly in this life.  Am I willing to pay the price?  I hope so.

Eternal rest grant unto Phoebe, and may perpetual light shine upon her.  May she rest in peace.  Amen.