Sometimes we step into the secular world ...and watch hockey.
Okay, okay ...those who know me are rolling their eyes. I am not a sports fan. Doesn't mean I don't appreciate them, I do. But ...I am not one to watch a game ...unless it's the Red Sox and they are playing in the World Series. Or, the Bruins, playing for the Stanley Cup. But, I do on occasion assume the role of biggest fan (just for fun!) and enjoy listening to my kids inform me there is no way they believe I am a true fan ...and others, get confused because they've never known me to have any such interest, so the sudden enthusiasm and loyalty confuses them. Phoebe would chuckle and tell me that everyone knew I was lying ..."but go ahead, do what you need to do" she would say.
My husband plays hockey and loves the game. We only have basic cable so he can't usually watch the Bruins from home ...so he doesn't watch them. It's just not how we spend our time. We did, however, watch tonight's game ...and I even watched from start to finish. (I know some of you really don't believe me, but I did ...I did fold laundry while watching ...so I felt a bit productive).
I'm really stupid when it comes to game rules ...they just don't stay in my brain, so I rarely have any idea of what's going on ...but I did, just a bit, tonight. I enjoyed watching and listening to my husband as he cringed and shouted ..and finally threw his hands up in victory. "I asked Phoebe to help them win" he told me as the prized Stanley Cup made its way around the rink. She always thought we should be more of a 'watching sports on TV kind of family.' But even when we tried, she too would wander away.
See, there is never a moment without her. I watch the game with a view of her bedroom door and imagine her in and out, commenting, commanding, directing ...and I miss her. Her clothes are still intermingled with the laundry as her sisters wear her shirts. I still fold them thinking it is for her ...and in a way it still is.
But life has gone on ...enough that we can make a big deal out of tonight's game, and enjoy without the tug of pain. At least for a little while.
Life does go on ...as unbelievable as that seems to me as I write, knowing how very much I am missing ...it can still go on ...and does.
It takes a while, but slowly, life begins to bloom once again ...to be savored in the wisp of a moment, even while the heartache holds tight.
Eternal rest grant unto Phoebe and may perpetual light shine upon her. May she rest in peace. Amen.
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