The longest day of the year ... When this day started, I like the pace ahead of me. Too much on my plate, too much time away from my kids. but what could I do? The demands eased as I examined what was absolutely necessary, what was not. And as some things came off my plate and the end of my day loosened I remembered what day it was. I would have a few extra moments as it was Summer Solstice. Time with my kids ...could happen today, after all.
I live in a perfect place, I really do. Our backyard is World's End, a 400 acre nature preserve that stretches out over Hingham Bay. It is filled with beautiful nooks and crannies with stunning views. It looks out past the bay in the open Atlantic ...and it reaches towards Boston, surrounded by water on three sides. The Harbor Islands make an interesting landscape, uninhabited but well explored. Their is no view that doesn't delight the eyes. I would argue it is one of the most beautiful places in the world ...and it's my backyard.
I feel close to Phoebe when I'm there. I know her feet walked the same trails, saw the same sights ...took in the beauty of this space. It is this familiar that God holds me and promises me I will see her again.
Every year on this particular day there is a celebration atop the highest point ...Planters Hill. Boston stands majestic out in the Harbor and the son sets over it, blazing this city in a golden hue. We pack our picnics and make our way there. Music plays while the kids run and play.
Several times I have been here on this night. The boys explore, searching for adventure, while the girls, getting older sit in a circle and giggle. They are growing, noticing who is cute, who looked their way ...giggling. Simple happiness and peace settles among them ..an ease that comes from having grown together. Our families are long on girls, shorter on boys ...the girls dominate. My girls move closer as the real big girls arrive. I'm glad to see them ...they are smiling, laughing. Two of them are Phoebe's best friends ...and they are here. I wonder if they could ever know what it means to me to look at them, see them smile. The simple way they had with Phoebe ...was so lovely to watch. I miss it. I miss that trio. For now, I'm glad to see them smiling.
I wonder about God's plan, not because I question it, but because I am surrounded by such beauty ...this place, these children, this life. And I wonder how Phoebe could have stepped out. I recall something told to me earlier today, a professional "...often with teenagers, it never makes sense, comes from nowhere, would pass in moments ...just this time she didn't wait long enough."
There are days when I wish it would all end ...now. I am not alone, I know. And thats not meant as a threat, it's just that the weight of it all can be so overwhelming, so tiring, unbearable. But there are days like this, when no tears have fallen, and the air gently crosses my face, and my children smile bright ....and we eat sandwiches atop a hill that overlooks Boston, and watch the sun dip low ...until only a sliver is left. It is a day when the complicated unravels just a bit, enough for me not to worry so much. It's a day I can be glad for ...and I am. Its a day I'm reminded why I trust God so much.
Eternal rest grant unto Phoebe and may perpetual light shine upon her. May she rest in peace. Amen.
It's good to hang on to those things we know, isn't it? There is much comfort in them.
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