Building a Raft

For the past month ...just about, I've been pretty busy building my raft.  I've gleaned what I know from our faith, listened attentively, prayed hard and long, taken those logs of knowledge and understanding and built a fine raft. I believe it is strong and stable, ready for the calmer days, but most especially for the rough seas I see in the horizon.  It's been like establishing my footing, making sure my shoes fit and are proper for the earth beneath my feet, knowing the terrain may challenge me further along the trail.
I think I'm okay, and if I'm not, I've got provisions, backup ...a long line of friendships surrounding me in prayer.  My net, my safety.  Please keep praying, I know you will ...but I want you to know the benefit of your prayers these many weeks for me and my family.
Life goes on all around us.  The whirl of life draws me in, but I am not ready.  I will do all that I must atop my raft.  But the silliness of life, the terrible concerns and problems ...I have no mind for, no heart for.
We had dinner with friends tonight, a friendship I've always loved, but never quite realized how deep it ran until now.  Without words they showed up, all of them, in their own way.  They cooked and cleaned, they held us, they wept as they cut my hair and swept my floor.  Their eyes meet mine, no words, but countless thoughts that cry ...I know, I see your pain.  They offer hugs that hold tight and say we will not let go.  Please, please don't.  I've been profoundly blessed with friendships beyond what I could have imagined.  Why is this one so unique?  Because its a whole family loving my whole family ...loving Phoebe, missing her.  Big families have something smaller families don't.   I can't explain it ...they just know.  Its a different life, a different way that is often greatly misunderstood in this culture.  And our friends, this big family, just knows ...just feels our pain, our battle to stay afloat, all of us ...together.  And they are fighting for our own very lives.  I don't mean to suggest others aren't ...it's just that the whole entire family is tended to, at once.  It's not that the ages match, or there is one to one ...it is a unity, a life of having to share and make do, of having less than your friends, but finding you have more ...in each other.  It is a life that is still there when all the things are gone.
They asked our permission tonight for the privilege of running a road race together on Thanksgiving as "Phoebe's Team."  Humbly, they asked, ...and all I could do was weep.  Of course, and the smiles made their way round the room ...young and old.  If only Phoebe had known the depth of their love for her.
And so my raft is even sturdier tonight, and I am grateful.

Eternal rest grant unto Phoebe and may perpetual light shine upon her.  May she rest in peace.  Amen