Pottery

I've been praying for some consolation, some awareness of Phoebe.  Others have experienced a sense of her, that she is near.  I have not.  There are reasons I'm sure ...perhaps I am not ready ...maybe never will be.  I read C.S. Lewis  and he looks for the same thing and then realizes his demand for that consolation deprives him of the capacity for it.  Interesting, makes me think, am I thwarting grace God offers me.  I pray to let go, abandon ...and I do, at least I think.  But something small just happened that almost past me unnoticed.  A friend called.  I say of him that he occasionally floats down from Heaven and visits.  His wife had a set of china she just had to get rid of ...would I please take it off their hands?  (Hmmm?  Ok, thank you, of course I could use it)
I simply couldn't know what a favor I was doing them ...this burdensome china, getting it out of their way.  (They hide their generosity, and try to tell me it is mine!)   A full service for eight.  On October 8, I needed a full service for nine ...a day later, only eight.  He delivered it, brought it in.  One box to my kitchen where it will always be, the others to the place Phoebe died.  I loved it!  Polish pottery.  I buy one little piece every time I travel to Pennsylvania. I would labor over which pattern to choose, their all beautiful to me.  But just one piece,  how to pick?   I treasure it.  Now a full set, so beautiful, different patterns, all pleasing to each other ...and they are mine. ours.  Thank you so much, a small comfort ...homey and pleasing to me as I seek to recreate our space with Phoebe in a totally new and different way.  He leaves and I claim  my love for it to Lucy, 10.  She points to the cabinets with the glass doors.  " I know Mom, we should put it all here in this cabinet so we can always see it ... it was Phoebe's favorite!"
She caught me quick.  Of course, how had that not been so present in my mind.  It is indeed Phoebe's favorite. She has her own bowl and mug from birthdays past.  Watch out if you snuck a use!  They were her little earthly treasures; don't let her find them dirty.  Oh, thank you Phoebe!  Thank you for filling the space of my kitchen with a shared love, our shared appreciation for the Polish pottery.  Thank you for making sense of the space that calls out your name.  At least here in this corner, the emptiness of you is gone as you establish yourself once again in this home, our home, your home.  You are with me dear girl, aren't you.  I love you!
Thank you my dear Heavenly Father for this grace ...this new treasure ...that my life with Phoebe goes on ...in my kitchen.

Eternal rest grant unto Phoebe and may perpetual light shine upon her.  May she rest in peace.  Amen.