Today is the Feast of All Souls ...a day to remember all the deceased in prayer, especially those in purgatory who have no one to pray for them. Souls in purgatory need our prayers, so offer them. Many of us have been led to believe that when someone dies they go straight to Heaven. That's a really nice thought, but Christ taught us that many of us will go to Purgatory, a place of atonement. He also taught that some souls will go to Hell. We can't change what He taught us, so I'm trying hard to remember these poor souls. Being in Purgatory means that you will live eternally with God, so it isn't a permanent state. I imagine I will spend some time there until God decides to be incredibly, overwhelmingly merciful to me. So, today I offer my day for the poor souls' atonement and striving for gratitude.
I'm giving thanks hard today ...harder than ever. It's the only way through, the only lifeline. If I can't press myself, my whole being into God ....then what? No amount of anything else, anyone else, will soothe in the way my heart needs it. That doesn't mean I don't benefit, feel the warmth and love, of those who reach out. I do. So what can God, my father do, that can't be replaced anywhere. Well, I run to Him, arms extended He grabs me, holds me, presses me hard into Him, and just like a child He shifts me ...my position will change. When He holds me, I can look out from Him ...and I can see all the beauty, all the people, all the creation that I am thankful for. I can't do that any other way. Giving thanks, in all things, to Him is essential for life. So what am I so thankful for? Lots of things ...all of it actually. Sometimes I put a notebook on our counter and begin a list. All of us add something here and there. It's fun to see what others appreciate. I'll start my list for today here. Believe me, it won't be easy, but it will get me going in the right direction, the best direction.
1. Phoebe's 17 years, 4 months and 22 days she spent here with me. I miss you girlie!
2. Faith ...I am so glad to have been abundantly blessed with this. Please increase it more God!
3. My husband to have shared these dark days with, remember the details of our girl.
4. Each of my kids ...and that they have laughed and cried, laughed and cried, laughed and cried.
5. An aching heart ...that tells me it hurts, not from atrophy, but from lots of use.
6. Mass ...when I'm there, I settle.
7. Blessed Mother statue in my backyard which catches the first light of day and sends it to me in
my kitchen.
8. Treasured friends ...they fit me so well.
9. St. Joseph. He's been my go to saint for a long time. He doesn't make himself obvious, at least to
me, but he is so RELIABLE.
10. My Rosary girls ...years of praying together, knowing each others' dearest petitions, loving each
other well.
11. Phoebe's closest friends ...they really loved her ...and cared about her well-being, her wholeness.
12. This is by far the hardest ...Thank you dear Lord, for taking her. I freely offer my beautiful, feisty
daughter to you. She was never mine fully, but always Yours. It hurts so much, but I know You
love her more than I ever could. I offered my very best, and You saw my joy and my struggle.
Your reason and wisdom is far beyond my grasp, but I trust You, fully and completely. In Your
truth, though, You did not will such a horrible act, You allowed it for a greater reason. I know
she is cared for now in the best possible way. I can't wait to see Phoebe again and tell her how
much I love her.
13. That this list will grow throughout the day ...my gratitude will increase.
Today, I offer my thanks for all I've been given, and I ask all the angels and saints to hold me up and lead me.
Eternal rest grant unto Phoebe, and may perpetual light shine upon her. May she rest in peace. Amen.
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